Saturday, October 22, 2011

Plodder advises presidential candidates...

...and, no, they didn't ask so I will not charge for the advice.

Herman Cain: Hummon, stop winging it, bro. Running for president isn't like doing your radio talk show. Next opportunity, thank all the other candidates for talking exclusively about your 9-9-9 plan (or, 9-0-9 plan). Keep up the good sense of humor which makes a nice contrast with several snit-infused other candidates.

Mitt Romney: Love your congeniality but once every day let's see a great big scowl because if you are elected there are some world leaders that respond only to angry scowls and a few predator drones. Stick with your 642 point economic plan and don't apologize it but pick a few simple points to push. Mormon/Schmormon - tell 'em you aren't running for pastor-in-chief.

Rick Perry: Drop the swagger. Drop the cheap shots. Drop the Texas stuff. Drop the little ruse of announcing that you will have an exciting new position on whatever the next week. Heck, drop out before all the evangelicals fall into a deep depression over your underwhelming performances. If you have any original ideas, by all means now is the time to let us know. Drop Jeffress from your Christmas card list. He didn't do you any favors.

Newt Gingrich: Since you are obviously the candidate who actually has something to say, just show up and keep talking but when the question is on faith, you might make your answer as short as possible. See my advice to Romney on running for commander-in-chief, not pastor or moral example-in-chief.

Ron Paul: Stick around as long as you can. You don't have a snowball's chance of being elected but I love your consistency. Don't get any big hopes of being anyone else's VP...I think you have successfully burned all those bridges.

Rick Santorum: We already know you have umpteen kids. Is that why you always seem mad at everyone? In fact, astute observers note that you have about six more kids than percentage points of supporters. Drop out.

Michelle Bachmann: Find something to say that doesn't start with, "I was the leader in congress against...." And we know you had several dozen kids and foster kids and commend you for it but my gaggle of astute observers note that you have about a dozen times more kids that you have percentage points of supporters. Drop out.

Jon Huntsman: Skip all of the remaining debates like you did the last one. Treasure your earlier shining moment with the shovel ready dog poop jobs and call it a day.

Always happy to help...


Dave Miller said...

Wise advice. Maybe doors will open for a new career as a political advisor. I hear these candidates are always changing staff.

Tim Dahl said...

Well said! I can't add anything. Just want to offer the encouragement.


Lee said...

Well said.

Given the current field, and their actual chances of winning after their brouha for the nomination is over, I'd say the best advice they could all be given is "drop out." If the GOP wants to win in 2012, that is.

Dr. James Willingham said...

Pretty good comments and advice on the part of the plodder. The clod hopper from Arkansas (originally) greets you and adds: You also should have asked Herman why the folks in the lower middle class are getting to carry all the tax burden....and how he can justify having served on the board of the institution that more than any other is responsible for our national depressions, etc.? I refer to that Beast from Jekyll Island??

foxofbama said...

Cain is gonna have to come clean about the Koch brothers as revealed in current issue of the New Yorker.
Gingrich most times is a poltical thug, but speaking ill of a fellow Republican so common these days, Newt actually looked like a diplomat in Nevada few days ago.
As I mentioned to DAvid Rogers a few days ago at SBC Impact; none of these fellows are addressing the concerns of Mark Noll in his June 6 TNR review of God's Own Party.
And Frank Page is avoiding the mess left by Jeffress like the plague, as Page himself has Tea Party gunk all over him by virtue of his hardwiring to Jim Demint.
Brother William, you have just scratched the surface, nicked the tip of the iceberg here.